Derren Brown

The Real Edward Wells and I were overly excited.

Planning, exaggerating, pondering and proposing outcomes of the forthcoming Saturday night extravaganza. Derren Brown was to to hypnotising the whole of the UK inhibiting them from standing after the show.

It was going to be amazing, but on our shoulders was the herculean task to prepare. Alcohol was purchased coming to the tune of £30, this back in the early 2000’s was the equivalent of buying an original Banksy with today’s money.

24 Black Label, a bottle of wine and I believe some spirits.

As the days turned to hours, and the hours turned to minutes the sun lowering in the summer sky, excitement reached fever pitch. Edward arrived at my house and I greeted him, beer in hand. And so it began.

3 hours passed of drinking and eating before Derren graced our screens and then, near silence. We watched, we drank, we digested the events unfolding before our eyes. Fresh beers were gathered before the show’s climax and we watched intently.

Derren announced that throughout the show, viewers would have been increasingly and increasingly less able to stand until now, they would be paralysed. Unable to stand or move their feet from the waist down. A phone call to the studio would be required to release the spell and the phone lines could be blocked from volume of calls.

We looked at each other. We had already realised that not two minutes before this revelation we had both relieved ourselves and obtained essentially alcohol. Having been doing this for nearly five hours.

We both decided it was now or never, the moment of truth. Our hands pressed into the sofa, forcing our weight upwards and..

We both stood up, no problem. We had wasted nearly a week over this. A week.

There was some beer left but the disappointment meant we had to leave the house. It was ten o’clock, pub still open, so we left.

Now. In true Derren Brown style, this story was actually mis-direction. The true story is what happened next, which The Real Edward Wells, should he wish to, will divulge with you…

Now. Try to stand up..