The Methane Conundrum

If you know the Real Edward Wells, you would also know that you need only spend less than five minutes before thine ears would be graced with a short sound, not unlike that or a scrambler engine. Or the tearing of fabric, thick fabric. The sound comes with an odour which initially smells faintly like a patron of the kitchen has inadvertently left the gas stove on. The more times the sound frequents your lobes, the more potent the fragrance until ones limit is no more. A period then occurs of vacating the room, car, establishment or even premises unless ventilation can be provided. One particularly warm summer this event horizon moment would encroach sooner than normal, hence we needed a solution. Once again devoid of the information superhighway we would need nothing but our resources and as normal, ignition, so solve the problem. Jonesy was our protagonist. Jones had smoked since the Ripe age of twelve and always had a lighter on him, and a spare just incase. Jonesy worked as a paperboy in the local shop which meant obtaining cigarettes was never easier. Armed with a lighter, a can do attitude and fear of the unknown, Jonesy proposed we attempt ignite one of Edwards or our episodes, hence eliminating the issue. The following hours resulted in several burnt fingers, two ruined pairs of trousers and a new smell. The burning of hair. The Eureka moment occurred during dusk and it was magnificent. Jonesy was successful in igniting a full 2 second burst, illuminating the room. Our laughter continued for tens of minutes until the next event, and the next. The following 1-4 years were never lacking a moment where one of us would spontaneously search for a lighter before jumping onto nearby soft furnishings and lighting a fart. This stunt is now available when hiring The Real Edward Wells at a £35 surcharge.